Saturday, December 21, 2013

The Granddad I Never Had

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The following series of compositions were created during a collaborative volley with an artist from the Photoshop Grunge workshop, Jim...
We had a fixed selection of photos, backgrounds, vectors etc available. Jim created the serve, and I started my composition starting on his., then he created his next composition based on mine, and so on till we had six compositions in total.

Creating my first volley was very challenging - so far all my compositions were based on how I felt on the day, being able to chose freely of all those photos in my huge photo library. Now I was confined to just a few photos and had to use another composition as a starting point, ohhhh....

Well, during that first volley, I created a few different compositions, then decided on one that I offered as my first serve. While waiting for Jim's serve, I continued playing with those photos and created another few compositions that I liked. While doing all of that, a bit of a (fantasy) story emerged ... both all my compositions and the story are below.

(The above was my first volley.)

How could I forget.....

You went.
To see the letter you once wrote to me... it seems to be a lifetime ago. 

I still have your cogwheels in my drawer, they were part of the heavy machinery you used of the farm, remember? 

You locked your secrets away, but left me the key.... wonder if I ever get to know you, now... now that you are gone.

(The above is one of those photos that I created during my first volley, based on Jim's serve)


You appeared to be a free spirit, but really - be honest - you had locked yourself in, you got yourself stuck. Trying to please, to be accepted, to be valued, to be important. 
You know you missed out on being free, even though it was only one step away.

Now you watch me...........

(The above is just a variation, but I quite like it as well :-)

(The above is also a version that I created during my first volley, and is also based on Jim's serve. It's not my favourite version, but has a place in this sequence)

Window of Opportunity                               

You always saw them... the windows of opportunity. When I was little, I didn't understand what you meant... back then. But now I can see you sitting there, seing the light at the end of the road... the light behind the closed door... and off you went to chase the next opportunity, the next excitement, the next story.

Now you are gone forever from this world ... wherever you are, you'll find more windows of opportunity.

(The above was also created during my first volley, but it is not based on Jim's serve)


Your love for tools and machinery was contagious. I can't remember one single day seeing you without making something, taking something apart or putting it together. Now - wouldn't you have loved to lift up our little house with a crane to move it to some other place...

(The above is my favourite of all. It was created after I had sent my first volley to Jim, while I was waiting for his next one. It has been created completely from scratch, but also only using the photos and other elements that we had restricted us to use.)

Conscious Moments.

There would have been a moment where you saw the sun. 

There would have been a moment, where you smelled a flower. 
There would have been a moment where you  felt the structure of wood and where you  noticed the texture of the rose... where you listened to the song inside... 
...where you were CONSCIOUS. 

(The above is my second volley, based on the composition that Jim returned after my first volley)

Ah, I never knew about her, you were hiding your true feelings so very well. Thank you for leaving your book behind for me to find, I feel so much closer now.... but really, I didn't enjoy feeling your sorrow over lost opportunity, losing the love of your life. I will remember the lesson it taught you.

(I was agonising so much over the colour for my second volley, took me a full day to decide on the cooler colour that I eventually went with - the above is just a copy, but using a warmer red as the background. I still don't know which one I like better....)

(The above is the inside part only - again just a copy of the above)

(The above is the third and last serve that I did - and I like it very much :-) - it is based on Jim's latest volley)

Looking back on a long long life.... so many regrets.... so many regrets.

(And here again - the above is the 'inside' only.... before I twisted some of its parts to sit differently :-)

And lastly, here the photos that we restricted ourselves to:

And the miscellaneous pieces:

Friday, December 20, 2013

So Free

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Freedom, freedom - such a big word. It's full meaning still escapes my brain, even though my heart totally 'knows'.

The butterfly sat on a tree quite a way away from the house one evening when I went on my walk through our garden, with Kiril the cat on my shoulder. It looked so peaceful and beautiful  that I asked it to wait for me till I got back with the camera.
It took me quite a while to get back, but the little fellow was still there, patiently waiting to become a model... He knew inside that he had the freedom to fly away...

he did't fly away when I approached him with my camera, just a few centimetres away from his wings, making click click click right in his ears. He moved his wings open and close.... I clicked and clicked... while all the time we both were aware that he could fly away any time he wished.


I got nearly 100 photos, some of them were nice and I kept them...

Freedom for me means firstly being  conscious of my choices. I can comply with rules or go against them, I can agree with people or not - if I am doing all I do with great consciousness - knowing why I act as I do - then I have gained a great feel of freedom...

And then.... ah, freedom is flying. Spreading out my wings and flying over the trees, the mountains, towards the ocean... flhing....

Wednesday, December 18, 2013


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We are talking so much about the misuse of power that the word has nearly become a 'negative'.

That doesn't need to be the case. I do feel very powerful in my ability to create my life, to create my experiences and my excitements.
I feel strong, able to change, able to take out my magic wand :-) and make things happen for myself.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013


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This was created for challenge 13... it  contains a photo of Paekakariki beach and one of a road in Arizona, on my way from Phoenix to Bryce Canyon. Driving while taking photos on an icy road down hill, ops.....

I do like the winter/summer colours, and I have wonderful memories of both places - they all came up in a bunch during the last few days while I worked on this composition. Quite emotional in a way - feeling a lot of freedom and joy of life both times, back then... and I was able to feel that again, while working on the composition.


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I resonated with the quote, not 100% but a lot.
It seems to me that more and more I can enjoy simple things, like listening to the birds and the trees and the wind.... and I feel very fulfilled and happy by just sitting without having to race around being active.

To think quietly act frankly talk gently.... yes, this too.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Reach for the Stars

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During the last few month I have been living so much fuller and richer experiences, every moment, every moment that it is just unbelievable. It feels as if there were no boundaries for me anywhere, as if I could do whatever I want and that not even the sky was the limit.

Off to Infinity and Beyond.... and reaching to the stars - these seem to be my new motto... Life is so good!

Thursday, December 12, 2013


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Cogwheels - Everything is connected.

I am reading and hearing about the upcoming issues of the US, pondering the implications for the world as such as well as us here, in small New Zealand....
Realising how much everything is connected, and how everything can turn out extremely well as extremely bad, probably both at the same time.

If you turn one of a connected line of cogwheels, all will have to get going - and so it is with the world.

Each activity, each decision (or indecision) is a cogwheel and somehow we all keep going, wow..... and even if things seem to go very bad for some and very good for others, we are all connected... we are all connected.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Above the Clouds

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These swan babies were just sooo cute, so innocent, so completely oblivious to the main road just beside them, all the cars slowing down to let them pass, all the cats and dogs and people wandering around.

They reminded me of being playful and innocent... being balanced and just in the moment.

Monday, December 9, 2013

The Secret Life of my Garden Boots

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Well, I hope this explains itself, hahahaha :-)

Sunday, December 8, 2013

H2 - Artist's Card - Off to Infinity and Beyond

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Well, this is the second result - Challenge 12, creating our Artist's card.

This one doesn't contain any fractals, therefore needed more different elements to contain all that is 'me'...
Starting top middle, going in a circle clockwise
- the dragonfly stands for the  animal world
- the flower where the dragonfly sits on - the plants
- the lighter blue card where the dragonfly hovers over - it has curly bits --> female, and straight lines - male
- bottom right corner - the symbols for technology and gadgets
- to the left the dreamy dragonfly - the fairy lands, dreams, spiritualness
- top right corner - the red splash - reality
- all over - the colours and the B&W as well as the bright light

And that's all me... :-)

H2 - Artist's Card

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Challenge 12 is about creating our own 'Artist's Card', if we were to have an exhibition, a card that can be put on a piece of wood or something like that to be displayed with the pieces or art. First I thought I don't want to do it as I don't plan to display my art anywhere, and then I thought, well, why not - and... as per usual... had a LOT of fun.

Certainly couldn't ed with just one card either.

This one - and the versions below - are for those ties where I feel exquisite and gracious. The base of the card are fractals... which contain everything and create everything anyway :-) ... but somehow I needed to add some energy flow, and the Hermit's Lantern.

The below photos are modifications of the above, which I like as well, but not as much as the above one.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Time's Up

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Lately I have been hearing and reading so much about the changes that are coming with 2014 that it was no surprise to me to see that my latest composition contained that topic.
"Time's Up" is about change.

The towers are falling... and new towers will stand up.

The cats are substantial part of that as a symbol to keep calm, confident and balanced. Most important it will be to not allow fear to take over, in case the world has to go through turmoil to clean itself.

The fractals, the ice particles, the water, the colours, the light... they all stand for the elements ... earth, water, air, fire.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Sunny Days for Joy

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This is for Joy, hope it gives you a smile :-)
Thanks for explaining the clipping masks to me, so much fun.....

Masks by JulieMead, other elements by DeviantScrap and textures by Skelletalmess. The original photo was just a flower, I used AutoPainter Express to create a Van Gogh version and an Aquarell version as well as an Impressionist version, all used here

Monday, December 2, 2013

The Hermit's Lantern

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Ah, this one took me days and days of starting and stopping again, and slowly bits by bits it came together.

This afternoon I was pondering what the title for this could be, and also I really started wondering what all of this has to do with me, as I always find that my creations somehow mirror something that's happening in my life just at the time of creation...

So I went on the internet to find the symbolic meaning of a lantern.... and found this text:

The Tarot symbolism represented by the lantern is one of power of intuition, truth and courage. When the image of a lantern reveals itself in a Tarot reading, it usually pertains to hope, healing and the quest for new found enlightenment through spiritual wisdom. The lantern serves to remind us that every dark path has a light. This light is from our inner selves, constantly revealing our own truths and, when adhered to, it always sets us on the right path or course of action.
When the symbol of the lantern represents an individual, we find a person of courage who chooses to live their lives with integrity by upholding their own values. This is an individual who can remain true to themselves regardless of darker impulses or instinctive motivations. They will not bow to or be fooled by outside pressure. In Tarot, the bearer of the lantern will always follow their own path not matter the consequences.
The Tarot symbolism of the lantern can also refer to new found awareness. The lantern often carries the message of revelation, insight or higher knowledge. In this sense, the dispersion of the lantern’s light can be seen as a force that illuminates the mind. This light represents conscious expansion and spiritual growth.
The one card most often associated with the lantern is the Hermit Tarot card. The Hermit often represents the bearer of spiritual wisdom. He can be both a messenger and a receiver of spiritual truths. In Tarot reading, the Hermit represents one’s search for knowledge. While the lantern he holds high bears light, he is still often depicted as being surrounded by cold and darkness. This signifies that he must also learn to be guided by his own truth and intuition. The light from the Hermit’s lantern refers to the spirit within us all. He is the Wise Man archetype, a spiritual teacher who constantly reminds us that many of the answers we are seeking can often be found within our ourselves.

This is especially strange as just today I talked with joy about me being a hermit, hahaha.
H2 means Heide the Hermit.....

And it certainly relates so much to the MA work.... put your light on the candle stick for all in the house to see.....

Life is so very interesting, to say the least.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Come Dance With Me

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This was actually a lot of fun. The task was to create a story in three pictures. One picture for the characters, one for the scenery and the last one for the dramatic situation... and then write a story to the three pictures.
Sounds very much like me, hahaha. Me no good with story telling... and not wanting to think about drama either... rather having ever lasting happy endings....

So, the story is about 26 Characters that were lost, useless and lonely. They didn't have anything in common, all had different fonts, all had different shades of grey, they crossed each other's path but couldn't even recognise each other. Each of them was lonely, but confined to their way of thinking... (that's the first photo above)

But one day.... a strange light showed up, they had never seen anything like that before.... but they all understood in their bones - it contained an invitation to dance... and they followed, one after the other. (That's the second photo)

And in no time their appearance changed due to the joy they experienced... they were able to recognise each other as similar ... they danced and danced till they were tired. Then, for the last dance of the day, they decided to create a queue, where each Character found its best place within the group - and so the Alphabet was created... (That's the third photo)

From when they lived happily ever after... just how I like it :-)

In my world, this story really is the story of humanity. We're all separate from each other, we don't understand each other, are fearful and lonely.

But just right now The Shift occurs... which really is energy... light... that's coming in, changing all of us.
And we DO all feel it (in our bones :-), one way or the other... there is a change happening... something bigger, different to whatever has happened ever before. Ok, right now, many humans react with more fear and  try to hold on to their life (as if it was so great!), and with that, create more suffering.

But eventually, all will come and dance... and all will come and see that we're one ... one large group of individuals that are connected ... and happy ever after... ahhhhh...... That's Home.

And below the whole story in one photo...

Freedom to Shine

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'Freedom' is a huge topic for me, pondering lots about what it actually means.
I think of flying, when I want to feel free.... the feeling of flying without help, without airplane or hang-glider... ahhhhhhh
The birds on the photo show the joy I feel just dreaming of flying.
It's also a lot of triangles in there, a pyramid to hold the concept of freedom.
The bent tree is the connection to the Earth Star, the bright light is the combined connection of heart, pineal gland and soul star. And so I feel complete within.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Going Home

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This one has such a lot of meaning to me that I find it hard to even begin to explain.

There is an obvious road.. that's leading home. There is a shadow coming from bottom left, that's me.
Looking around at all the beautiful elements - the open hand with flowers and candle, the large purple flower to the right and the moon, the person standing on the boat sailing over the water.....and the rainmaker to the left... they are all symbols for life, for balance, beauty, passion - invitation.

To me this means that it doesn't matter in which direction I go, it doesn't matter what I do, how I spend my time - everything leads HOME. There is no other way than the way home. There are no mistakes, nothing to be sorry about and nothing to regret.

I am living from my heart, I am kind to others and thoughtful of the environment. I am a conscious being, aware of how it feels to live in harmony with all relationships I have... relationships to people, animals, plants, un-animated objects and whatever else there is around.

And above all of that, I love to play and have fun :-)

Wednesday, November 27, 2013


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I am so very impacted by the MA work right now - in the most positive sense possible - that everything that I do seems to have to do with light, geometries, feelings of vastness, freedom, appreciation. The different areas in this composition show much more of how I feel than I can express it myself.
I see myself in these two cats, standing on different platforms with my eyes wide open, curious while at the same time ready to participate.

Extremely exciting!

Monday, November 25, 2013

Your Hands

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Now this is the 'real' piece for week 10 challenge.... Instead of trying to show something about all my 'obvious' passions, I concentrated on my passion about hands.... not sure what that is, but I just love looking at hands and their movements and their stability and balancedness and and and....

These particular hands are passionate about cars,  That's where the steering wheel (and the tyre below) are coming in... :-)

Both Tim and I couldn't decide which one we liked best, so it'll be two once more...

Nothing but....

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Week 10 Challenge was about passion... which created a lot of pondering in my space. There is so much I feel passionate about, the 'normal' things like our environment, peace in the world, nobody being hungry or cold ever... then the more personal things, like Tim, the cats, the flowers in our garden, the sun shining in my eyes in the morning, the miniature gardens, MA, the photoshop possibilities to express myself... and so on.

I also like it when reality and imagination are fading into each other....

Eventually I came to the conclusion that I really have a passion for life itself, just with all that it contains. So be it. There are two results, I like the first one better, but the second one has something that I like as well.

Thursday, November 21, 2013


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I have been thinking so much about my habit to 'think through' everything, looking for the logic of everything all the time, using the rational mind as if it was 'ME'. So it was no surprise when I eventually ended up with the composition above...

... creating the intention to use Imagination a bit more often, imagination to get everywhere.....

Monday, November 18, 2013

A Rose, Just A Rose

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I was - and probably still am - overwhelmed by the beauty that is developing in our garden. I could spend hours outside looking at all the different shapes and colours... taking photos morning, midday and evening... and then sit for hours and look at the photos.
Especially I enjoy the ones that start wilting, and the ones that are pretty much gone. Their colours and fine detail is always amazing to me, a beauty that needs a bit of attention to be noticed... but then it's hard to go away without touching the leftovers, taking them off the stem to have a closer look at the filigrane complexity.....
Reminds me of ... ageing gracefully... the flowers certainly know how to do it!

First attempt was this, but I thought it needed a bit more attention:

Sunday, November 17, 2013

My Doorstep

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Sebastian from the Photoshop Art workshop came up with this new challenge, where he gives us quotes and we create something that's about the quote.

He is making this a competition, which isn't really for me, so I took a bit of a humorous approach...

I had to think of a photo that I took of the damaged deck at Kahu Road when we moved out when I read the complete quote:

The artist's world is limitless. It can be found anywhere, far from where he lives or a few feet away. It is always on his doorstep.  — Paul Strand 

So I thought I'd make a photo of this doorstep... the frame should show the artistry as well as the handyman work needed and applied.... I also made it all a bit leaning sideways to make sure that it doesn't look too comfortable :-)

So much fun ...

Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Unadulterated Rose

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This morning just before work I took a few photos of our roses, holding the camera against the sun.... and when I looked at the results I was just so happy with myself. There were such good shots, I couldn't believe it.
All day the question was in my head what actually defines 'beauty'. What is it that makes me (or others) gape in awe... what it is that let's me look twice and then again? What is it that touches me so much, from the outside... touching the deepest part of my heart? I haven't got an answer, but my thoughts revolved around this while doing the piece above.

I very much like the quote - Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror......

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Always Watching

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I created this quite a while ago, just trying to come up with contrasts, the way how I experience the world at the moment - colours vs. white..... nature vs. technical looking squares and circles.

The eyes just seemed so fitting, as I also feel that there is a lot of help everywhere, and someone, something, is always watching over me.... over everybody, actually.

Even though one tree is depleted of leaves, and the other is bending to the side - which are all parts of me - I feel very calm, balanced... and excitement (the yellow) is there too :-).

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Leave Your Footprint in the Clouds

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I have been contemplating 'being an artist', and why I am creating these photos and what I want to achieve.... and the more I spend time on this, the more I realise that I do it because I feel so good when I have completed a piece of art.

There is no consideration of other people liking it or not, of it being art or not.... good or bad..... it's the feeling of achievement within myself that makes me start the next one.

"Footprints on the sands of time is kind of like leaving your mark in this world or society"

In opposite to that - leaving my footprint in the clouds, where the sun and the moon will see them.... not worrying about them becoming a 'mark in this world'.

My pieces of art have touched myself... while making them, and after completion.... they have fulfilled their purpose.
If they touch someone else.... wonderful.

I hear the smell of Beauty
I see the speed of Wind
I taste the Rays of Sunshine
... and I leave my footprint in the Clouds....

And then Sebastian posted the following quote on facebook a few days ago:

“To be an artist it is not necessary to make a living from our creations. Nor is it necessary to have work hanging in fine museums or the praise of critics . . . To be an artist it is necessary to live with our eyes wide open, to breathe in the colors of mountain and sky, to know the sound of leaves rustling, the smell of snow, the texture of bark . . . To be an artist is to notice every beautiful and tragic thing, to cry freely, to collect experience and shape it into forms that others can share.” — Jan Phillips

Friday, November 8, 2013

Entitled to...

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I feel such a lot of joy, excitement, playfulness in my life and wish for everybody to have the same. Life is so wonderful in it's small and great occurrences and we really either can allow ourselves to see and experience the greatness... or not.

More joy for the world.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Dare to be Colourful

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Ah, I just wanted to be really messy without getting my hands dirty.... I loooove colours and it can't ever be too colourful. Brushes, splashes, textures, blending... and and and... lots of fun, for sure :-)

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Rose Buds

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Kiril's behaviour changes have upset me so much that I needed to use cat photos for a composition to calm down again.
Only after I had worked on the cats photos with the rose buds in between for quite a while, I realised how suitable the rose buds actually were..... So beautiful, but some thorns in between, ahhhh.......

Tuesday, November 5, 2013


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I saw a short film that somehow showed for a second a photo of the word 'revolt' and how reading (r)evol(t) backwards it is "love".
This made me ponder about other worlds that have 'evol' in it..... like evolve and evolution.... and I just had to play around a bit with this in Photoshop. For no other reason than having fun.

The result shows a bit of 'evolution' in it - the winter tree without leaves on the left, the cracks on the left..... none of that on the right, but beautiful flowers. The butterflies flying from one side to the other are meant to show that there still is a connection... it's not one day this and next day that, there is a flow, with evolution as well as with love. Sometimes there is more change, sometimes less..... sometimes love shows itself clearly, and sometimes it's a bit hidden and has to be looked for or assumed.

The text on the back in from John Lennon:

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”